From the Brain of Matty

sociopathy (24.05.07 1:52 pm)

Is it called sociopathy? When someone knows the rules, but doesn't feel them? The other evening at dinner Evan asked me what the rules are in fashion, for, like, wearing a tie the same pattern as your shirt. I know it's a faux pas, but I don't exactly know why. Fashion is easier, though; normally I can tell if something looks "good," because I like the way it looks. More abstract things like "right" and "wrong," usually I only know which category my actions fit into because I know the definitions. Like: this action is wrong, this action is right. And I can tell, when other people do them, if it's right or wrong. But somehow I just don't feel the same thing when I'm doing stuff. Some things, yeah, but I think the threshold is much, much higher.

I think that's why it's much easier for me to ignore what people think of me. And regret is something that happens to other people. Freud would probably have something to say about a dominant id, and an underwhelming super-ego, or something.

I do have regrets; I realise (and admit) it now. But they're selfish regrets. I know that I shouldn't have them, so I repress them. But I have them.

Oh by the way, we got accepted for the house, but immediately after, the owner decided to sell it out from under us. Which was easier than having Shell turn it down because our budget is too tight.


Holy crap! Shell wrote in her diary! I didn't know about the dreams. I think I've been having quasi-nightmares* the past few nights, but I can't remember. Asleep and awake aren't that different for me lately.

* nightmares are the ones where I wake up screaming. For me, quasi-nightmares are just ... unpleasant dreams.