From the Brain of Matty

butter (26.05.04 1:13 pm)

My back hurts and my shoulders are a great big lump of knotted flesh and permanently flexed muscle. I can't concentrate on anything, don't have the energy to get out of the chair and walk to class, let alone pay attention to what the lecturers are saying (or whatever it is they do down at the front of the room there). I have no motiviation whatsoever to do anything; do assignment work, go to class, go to bed, wake up again.
To quote poor old Bilbo: I feel thin, stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday, a very long holiday, and I don�t expect I shall return. In fact, I mean not to!

That's a perfect quote. I was going to leave it at the usual 'butter over bread' part, but the rest of the line just seemed to fit. Except I don't know what I would mean by a holdiay (where, when, how, etc.). All I know is I want/need it. I wish I could just pack up and grab Shell and go off to Rivendell and live among the elves and grow old listening to tales and songs from other ages and other worlds.

Instead I have to do this stupid degree that I hate and despise, to get a job that I don't want, so that I can hopefully some day make enough money to not always be behind, and maybe even do some of the things I want to do.

I can't wait to get married.

Come to think of it, University actually isn't that bad. It's the coursework I hate. And the fact that I have to do what they tell me. I can't do the subjects I want to do, because they don't exist. And my goal at the end of it all is wrong. I don't want to be here just to get the letters after my name to prove my qualifications to get some stupid frigging database programming job. I want to be here for the sake of being here. I want to live in a time when university was a career, not a stepping stone. Academia. Study. Something to look forward to, a reason for going through it all. Not just some stupid letters after my name, that don't count for anything anyway.

I hate it all.

m�tT��/<

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